Yay!

Hurray!

Yay I've finally registered for the dance courses I've always wanted to join! :DDDDD

We have the line dance course which I'm going to be attending with my mum and sister!
Whoo hoo! I've got company ~ I've got company ~ xDD

I've also decided to go on ahead with taking up the salsa course xD
Unfortunately xd couldn't join me :(

So guess what?
I dragged my sister along!
Yay me!
Great huh? :P

Now I'll have company :D
That was the main thing that held me back all this time.
The company.
*shrugs*

I guess i just never feel secure enough without having someone I know with me.
But that's all gonna change next year anyway.
I'm afraid...

I'm glad my sis didn't make that big a deal out of me dragging her with me.
Unlike how I would have done if it were something I hadn't done on my own free will.
I'm relieved.
I feel way better.
I don't dread the first day any longer.

Thankies! *I'll say it here cause i can't say it in real* *thankfully you don't even read my blog* *muahahahaha! :P*

P.S. Sorry xd for my very monotonous answers yesterday ><

=.= |||

It's seriously irritating to feel like you're the only one who wants to get something going.

Like you're the one who has to do the planning, and to take the initiative to get the ball rolling.

It's freaking ANNOYING!

I'm not the only person involved!
But it feels like I'm the only one who wants it.
The only one who's doing something about it.

I start to feel like I'm being pushy.
Even desperate.

I know you're busy.
I OBVIOUSLY am NOT -.-

So OF COURSE I HAVE to do it.

I think if I don't, no one else will either -.-
So that's great huh?

Maybe I shouldn't bother.
Then we can all sit around and wait for something to happen.

When I bring the topic up, it's like totally brushed aside.
Or given at the most a cursory glance, a few responses that comprise of at least more than 2 words, before it becomes just that.
Or better yet.
SILENCE.

So how about we just let it rot and wait till it's finally TOO LATE, and don't do it in the end.

Wonderful no?

-.-

I thought I had dropped the stupid plan day-to-day habit of mine.
It seems not.
Though it sure has lessen a lot.
I guess it's still there.

Maybe I will just ignore all feeling linked to that, and just leave everything where it stands.

Yea maybe I just will.

Graduation night!

Ok so the day I shopped so much for finally came and went.

So much effort for a mere 3 hours? (which they tricked us saying 6 hours -.-)

Lol but I'm glad I went for it afterall.

It wasn't half as bad as I expected.
But it wasn't that grand a thing.
The thing that made it most enjoyable was the friends.
Without them, the day wouldn't have turned out as well.

The food.. was well... the food.
I'm a picky eater.
Not to mention slow.
But yea... I ate what I wanted...
Lol the food wasn't the main thing for me though.
Unlike some people... *HINT HINT*

The best part was the phototaking after the whole thing.
It's when most people started losenning up and going crazy.
Which the pictures are prove of.
I can't believe some of the pictures taken.
I can't believe some of the picture I took part in.
GAH.

I can't believe I even took pictures.
Don't get me wrong, pictures are great.
Just as long as if I'm not in them ><

I hate taking pictures, especially when i'm in school uniform and all with my hair all tied up like a good student.
So yes, I guess I losened up.
But STILL.... GAH.
Too much!
><

Lol there were too many photos taken with me in it for my liking T.T
But I can't do anything about them now.

So yea that was graduation night.
A night I doubt I'll totally forget.
Thanks guys!
For making it an unforgettable night! :D

Shopping

Lol ok.

I hate shopping.
But for once in my life, I did it willingly.

I mean as much as I say looks are secondary, everyone wants to look their best, especially fro graduation night.
Ok the thing is, if it was a wedding i was attending (not mine -.-) I wouldn't care in the least.
I guess it's to do with the fact that it's among students of our school and of course friends.
That makes it more important.
Which was what spurred me on.

So yea, I spent more than I wished I had.
But guess what, mine was still rather little compared to others :P

So yea, now after grad night, shopping will no longer be of any interest to me.

But i guess shopping gave me something to do for once.
Now without a target to work towards, I no longer have much to do.
I think i shall grow bored soon.

Bored already in fact.
I'm even playing runescape -.-

Xd's and kelly's outing

For once, I didn't feel guilty for doing anything else other than studying.
For the past 3-4 weeks, everytime I do something else other than study, I always feel guilty.
Yea, I feel it.
The thing is, I just pushed it aside, and did nothing about it.
I wish I did do something though.. But guess its too late huh.

Ok so yea, we shoved O levels aside and really openly enjoyed ourselves for the first time in a month since the O's started.
The movie was planned, we watched Madagascar.
It seemed that our group grew twofold from the original, it became a group of 9 people consisting of Xd, Kelly, Jenny, Leen, Wy, Aud, Cheryl , kenneth and of course, me.
The movie was better than I expected.

So after that we had plenty of time to waste, and we decided to go check out the Kbox.
After much debate... though i had no intention on singing, I decided to just pay and go ahead.
The outing was after all in honour of xd and kelly and they wanted to sing.
It would only be nice if I joined them :P
Unfortunately, my rountine headache after a movie just couldn't disappoint.
Add that to the almost permenant headaches for the past few days.
So let's just say the beginning of my first experience at the kbox kindda sucked.
With the loud blaring music pounding through the speakers and the pounding headache it more or less became (pounding)^2.
You seriously dun wanna feel like I did.
The headache decided to stay as well.
I pretty much felt like shit for more than half the session.

It got better, I started to join in and sing those songs that I knew but still refused the microphone.
To be perfectly honest, I thought my singing sucked.
And I hate embarrasing myself.
So yea it was that way for awhile.
While the other few like xd, kelly, cheryl, wen yan and audrey did.

Lol never knew xd and kelly sang so high.
I can never reach their pitch.
Both of their voices are quite easy to pick out amongst those who were singing, cause they were mainly on the higher range.

Oh not to mention there were many chinese songs that I had never heard in my life before.
I got bored after awhile.
Together with xd and jenny, we took the long 10 chinese song break to go to the library nearby to borrow books.
We actually got back before the 10 songs ended.

After that we had sorta sot-ted more.
So yea, managed to get jenny to actually sing.
Like really sing -.-
He's not bad!

Ok by then I had losen up to and was pretty enthu already.
When the others had left, leaving me, xd, kelly and jenny, I finally had the guts to try with the microphone.

Firstly, using a microphone is weird.
I sound nothing like what I sound like.
I didn't sound anything like i thought i sounded like.
I couldn't really hear me actually >< lol so it wasn't as bad as i expected.

The last hour was crazy.
The other 3 sot people even danced -.-
Lol it was funny seeing them!
Cute :P

All in all, I'm glad I decided to join them after all.
I can't wait to go again! xD

OH MY GOD

YAY!
The stupid freaking "O" levels are finally over!

I'm relieved it's over.
But regret not putting the needed effort.

Yes, it is over, I can't do anything more about it.
But I guess the horror of those horrible papers will forever be lurking at the back of my mind, returning to pay me visits from time to time whenever I don't want to think of it.
Until I get my results that is...
Once I get it, I'll have no choice but to accept.
So till them.. I'm still gonna feel guilty.

Dearest Physics

So like we all know and have complained over, here comes the very touchy topic of our dearest physics paper today.

Wow.
Today was like totally amazing.
The paper was so wonderful.
I totally knew what I was doing.
The chances of me getting an A1 is like soooooo high!

NOT.

I'm not good at physics.
Never was.
Never have been.
Actually, I've never gotten an A for physics in my whole 2 years of taking in.
I did actually get a B though.

So I thought to myself that although I studied almost close to nothing, maybe I would at least be able to scrape through it.
But guess what?
I guess I won't huh.

I'm used to failing this subject.
Actually, I'm used to failing.
Period.

So it won't be a surprise if I get a fail.
But a girl can hope can't she?
Guess it was a bit too much to hope...

Scraping through is officially impossible now.
Thanks for making real obvious to me.
I now have no need to hope for anything other than a fail.
I should expect nothing better.

It's now glaringly obvious.
Thanks for giving me hope that I COULD have at least passed.
You just had to take it all away didn't you?
Make me feel even worse than I do.

Hopes dashed, as you cruelly brought me back to reality.

Hey but it's like totally my fault.

- Yes, I know I didn't exactly put in the effort.
But still, you didn't have to make it so hopeless for me did ya!?
- Wow the teachers so thought me everything in the paper that was tested.
I'm just never listening huh!?
A mere whisper, that... NO BODY heard oO?
- It's totally in the syllabus!
I just conveniently didn't see anything on it!
- Wow it's in the textbook!
There were so many diagrams!
That were apparently invisible to the eye!
- The new stuff are just for show!
There is no need to test it!
- The old stuff are still in the textbook.
That's why it's called OLD.
It's TOTALLY there!
So test it why don't ya!

Just go combust.
Just go melt.
Just go photosynthesize!
Like whatever!

Taking up space

Ok this post is mainly to take up space.

Oh about the collage.
I don't see any resemblence to any of them.

But it was fun and amusing to see the people that supposedly look like me.
LOL!
Not to mention shocking.
I mean seriously oO?
Do I look anything like them?

~ SLACKING ~

I'm totally slacking!
NOOOOO!
BAD me! (=.=)
Lol really, I so shouldn't be here.
Not to mention be typing this.
Or even wasting time on the collage thingy.
GAH!
WHY?!
WHY do I have so little disipline T.T!

My Heritage Face Recognition

Lol ok so I was so bored. I went to try this.

My Heritage Face Recognition - http://www.myheritage.com/celebrity-face-recognition
Basically what it does is to scan your face and then match it to faces of celebrities.
It compares the likeness and then rates it in term of percentage.

So I tried my picture. From... I think about 3 years back?
I look about the same anyway.
But it was my best picture yet.

Wanna know why?
1. It was using a handphone camera.
2. The handphone camera wasn't that good.

Lol ok so anyway.. these were the results.

78% Norkys Batista
76% Woranuch Wongsawan
74% Bonnie Pink
73% Jang Nara
74% Zoe Tay (@.@!)
74% Jet Li
72% Kajol
71% Holin Tsai
71% Takeuchi Yuko
71% Miriam Yeung

oO?!
I'm like whatever...




Ok. So now with a slightly better camera and a picture more updated (somewhere this year), I obviously have a different batch of look-alike-celebrities.
The percentage likeness has also dropped alot.

Quizzy!

Quiz

I'm tagged by: Myself?
I'm so bored!
But I don't wanna study ><

Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag the people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1) Have you given your first kiss away?
Ohhhh yes!
Hmm more than first in fact!
To my.. Father, mother, sisters and brothers.
Duh! oO What were you thinking :P

2) Spoilt?
Yea definately! I'm sot too ! xD

3) Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Nowhere in particular, just a place where I can have peace... FINALLY -.-

4) If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
For school to be non-exsistant.Which will never happen.
So on a more realistic side... To not be a continuous disappointment.

5) Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Yea... In my dreams.
In reality, nah . It will never happen.

6) Who/What are you afraid to lose the most now?
The people I love. Friends and family.
Change. I hate change.

7) If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Save a portion, donate a portion, invest another portion.
Actually, I have no idea.

8) If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Nope, I'm shy ya :P

9) List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Lame,lame and.. lame? ><

10) What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Plenty of stuff, too many to lists out.
Most importantly
1. he cannot smoke or drink
2. must be funny
3. NO vulgarities >< (does not swear)
4. NO unneccessary piercing!

11) Which type of person do you hate the most?
Liars, backstabbers and hypocrites. People who judge everything just by its cover.
As much as we all know it (looks) is an important factor, it's not everything.

12) What is your ambition?
No idea. I take a day as it comes.

13) If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Rather they keep quiet. Hey, they're my faults... I know them. ><

14) What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Not to judge people, not to jump to conclusions without facts and to think positive whenever possible.(though it never happens)

15) Are you a shopaholic or not?
Not. I hate shopping.... unless its for an unlimited supply of romance novels ><
Present shopping is ok too i guess XD

16) If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
My looks? (though i hate it when ppl keep harping on their looks ><), my stubbornness and my selfishness.

17) What do you usually do at home?
Play the computer, sleep or slack.READ! YAY!

18) Any weird habits or quirks?
Erm... what the definition of weird oO?

19) How do you think the person who tagged you can change to be a better person ? (It's perfectly fine to leave it blank if you think he/she is perfect).
NA since I'm talking about me.

20) What would you be doing if you were not taking this quiz?
Slacking, reading.Being bored

people I tag:
1. XD-dy!
2. Kelly!
3. Eneeli
4. Jenny! (take in my tagbox since you don't have a blog) xPPPP

Afraid

GAHZ!

Ok here I am, 2 days before the first o level paper.
BLEHS!
I'm afraid for not feeling afraid.
Makes sense?
....

Man! This is so sucky!
I think on of the reason why I'm feeling this way is specially so, since I'm feeling drained.
The common test, the prelims... and now the o's.
In a time span of... what? 3 months oO?
Stupid man.
Wow. I am SOOO not drained.

Another reason is probably because I no longer feel anything when I get my results.
I've already failed time and time again, that now I no longer cry over it.
Now I see the score and just shrug.

I have to admit that one reason is because I know I didn't put in my all.
It seems I won't be either for this MAJOR O level exam.

I feel nothing! Nil! Zilch! Nada!
Oh Man!
PLEASE!
I need to feel the urgency like... NOW!
Before would have been better.
But now won't be bad either....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

Oh man...~
This sucks big time.

So much to do. So little time

Ok...
Today felt like it was the last day of school.
But duh, of course it so wasn't.
Slacked the whole day away.
Even came online. (as can be seen since I posted)
Horrible.

~ Gah ~

What else is there...
Er...
I'm slacking now.
Yay me.

~ ROAR ~

I can't wait for tomorrow to end.
Like seriously.

Man this sucks.
I feel bored.
There's so much to do, and so little time.
Yet I don't seem to be doing anything.
I feel guilty.
Very guilty in fact.
But apparently not guilty enough -.-

~ Haiz ~

Failure

Sometimes the same feeling keeps rushing over me.
The same old feeling of failin,of dissapointment.

I know I'm incompetent.
But there is no need to keep bringing it up.
Or rubbing it in my face.
I know as the eldest of five children, I have failed miserably.
I KNOW ok!

I know I'm not good enough.
I know I never will be.
I KNOW it.
So DON'T bring it up.
I beg of you!

I hate myself for that.
Hate myself for dissapointing not only me, but you.
I know you no longer have high hopes for me.
I have to say, I can't expect you to after failing you all this time.

The thing is, I've already failed.
I've resigned myself to that.
I can no longer, and am not that high in your eyes.
There are the other siblings to take over me and do better than I have.
For that I'm glad.

But time and time again, you bring it up.
Be it intentionally or unintentionally.
Even her teasing... It hurts you know.
Real bad.

Even today...In the car...
You've set your hopes on her.
I'm sure she'll be the one to make you proud.
I never have.
I doubt I will anymore.
Nothing is enough.
She has done everything I've not.
She won medals, been excepted into good schools, she's the one you've pin your hopes on.
Now I'm at the next stage.
If I fail you again.
It will be she who'll be the one.
And I KNOW I will fail.
I'm not good enough.

I don't have her motivation, determination, kindness and tolerance.
I'll fail you.
That's a sure thing.

~ I hate this ~

A spur of the moment feeling that has been bugging me for ages.
Forgive me for letting it out here.
If you happen to read it, I'm not emo.
I just needed to let it out.

Today

Hey...

So yea, Hari Raya has offically came.
I can start eating during the day already.
But it feels real weird.
I keep stopping short from reaching for water or food before I remember fasting is over.
I have to say that I've almost got used to it.
Unfortunately, I've gotta change my rountine again.

~ Z ~

As usual, we have the normal Hari Raya rountines.
Wake up in the morning, bathe and change into Baju kurung.
Have the normal asking for forgiveness session and then we eat our so called breakfast consisting of the same old stuff from every Hari Raya.
Next comes the visitors.
My cousins from my dad's side.
Boy, was it akward.
The cool thing was my oldest cousins daughter.
So cute!
I actually carried her!
Lol she seemed to like me, I was actually surprised (and secretly pleased).
But of course that wasn't the case (shrugs).
I think it was my shiny teeth that got to her.(braces...)
Or that's what everyone deduced that is.
I guess that was the most likely reason.

So that's here.
My phone hardly does her justice.
She's way cuter in real life.
I love her eyes.
They're pale brownish green, with slight golden flakes.



So yea.. That was in the morning.
After that we left for my maternal grandmother's house.
The old boring rountine as well.
I hate going there.
I feel so akward...
So out of place.
The way we've been brought up.. Is such that we hardly know anything of our own religion.
Sometimes I wish my parents had thought us more.
There, everyone was so close to one another.
It felt as though my family was totally out of place.
Hardly any of us siblings mingled.
My dad was even worse, he totally stood out like a sore thumb.
He was the only one not in the festive clothing.
When it was time to go back... That was the worse.
Everyone was asking one another for forgiveness, and we just tried hiding ourselves away.
That's what I go through yearly...
It has come to a point that I can actually say I do not look forward to Hari Raya...

~ haiz ~

Yay?

OK so, there's like 2 more days till the end of fasting.
The first lunch I'm gonna have after hari raya is Mac!
Grrrr... But the thing is... My teeth are not cooperating either.
Stupid teeth!
I can't even eat properly T.T

~ Gah ~

Anyway, totally slacked the weekend away again...
Such a failure.
I'm like so bored, but I feel like doing nothing.
Does that make sense oO?
Sounds weird to me.

~ ZZZness ~

Slacked at home the whole of yesterday.
Today, I woke at almost 12.
I even went to the supermarket O.O!
Never mind, at least we have junk food at home now :D
I'll have things to eat.
Especially for my nighttime snacks!

GRRRRRRRRR...........

Ever feel left out?
Feel that sometimes you're left out on purpose?

I always do.
Maybe it's me being paranoid or something. *shrugs*
But I hate the feeling of not knowing.
So I just shut up.
If you know nothing, there is nothing to say.
Unless you wanna make a fool out of yourself and say something wrongly.

So get this.
It is not because I don't want to talk.
It's because I don't know what you're taling about.
So I have nothing to add to the conversation. Period.
I am not having mood-swings.
I AM NOT oblivious to what is going on around me.
It's a matter of whether I chose to respond to it or not.
I do listen, whether you know it or not does not concern me.
But DO NOT. I repeat, DO NOT, ever treat me as though I am not there.
That's when I really get pissed and really don't feel/ want to talk at all.

I admit.
I'm a very insecure person.
I always think that what I do is wrong.
That i may unintentionally say something wrong or hurt someone.
Another one of my many faults.
Maybe I shouldn't care so much.
I keep telling myself that.
It just has no effect on me.

No idea why.
But I hate it horribly.
It's a weakness I cannot stand most of the time.
When I recognise the feeling in me, I respond in a weird way.
Another reason why I don't talk.
I mean come on.
If you don't say anything, nothing can go wrong no?

I have no idea why I'm even writing this here.
It's the spur of the moment thing.
Once I gain my senses, it will disappear.

- Some Tests I Did -

O.O!
Never knew I was that bad.

- Discovering my sins test -

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Very High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz


- The Personality Disorder Test -

Disorder Rating Paranoid: High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: High Antisocial: Low Borderline: Moderate Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Moderate Avoidant: Very High Dependent: High Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Yay!

Whoo hoo~!
Got my books!
Went to the library today, got myself a few books which can hopefully last me.
Though I wish I had had the discipline to have just ignored them totally.
Unfotunately, that was not the case, and I gave in to temptation and just borrowed them anyway.
But hey! It wasn't me who looked for the books. It was my sis :P
So I sorta just sat and slacked and waited for her to bring the books to me.
Evil huh? (I know ><)

So...Besides that, nothing much happened.
Woke up at the normal 5 am to eat. Went straight back to bed after that.
Woke up at about 11 +. (O.O)
Lolz so yea... Had to get out of bed to reach my hp. (which was ringing - xd called ><)
So yea, picked it up. Decided I didn't want to go watch the movie with them.
Since I was already up and about, I decided to remain that way.
But I have to say, I was surprised xd was already awake by then :P

~ lalalala ~

I really have nothing else left to say.
Days to O - 29
Die.

Bored

Time : 12.13 (start)
Day: Sunday (early morning)
Should be: Sleeping
Currently: Blogging (bored!)
Feeling: Sian (Still bored!)

~ROAR~

So it seem I have nothing to do to pass my time, but blog.
But the thing is... I've got absolutely nothing to say.
Well.. I guess I could tell you what I did today.
But that would be just plain boring.

~ BLEH ~

I'm craving more romance novels!
I still don't seem to get enough of them.
No matter how predictable they are.
Man! This sucks.
I so should not be thinking of STORY books.
I should be dreaming of TEXTbooks instead.
But that is so not happening.
Not now, not ever.
I seriously wonder how people really push themselves.
Do they like... NOT have a life?
That they study 24/7 and do absolutely nothing else but eat and breathe?!
Ahh.. I know it's an exaggeration.. But you should get my point.

~ ZNESS ~

Oh I finally got my MAC today!
We broke fast at the mac at amk drive-through.
But we of course ate there.
Only... My dad had to spoil things in the beginning.
But after the food was bought, the seats secured, we had fun.
Just crapping , laughing and enjoying each others company.
It's very seldom we do that.

~ Haiz ~
I'm off to shower. Cya!